sonder
[ M ] sightseeing in a small world

Alexei veteris
Male 2 Outlander Commonwealth Commoner
Undecided

28

posts
75.00

renown



rhinestone eyes

posted 08-06-2021, 07:00 AM - Word count:
#11



Everything seems caught in a whirl of time and salt that taints the inside of the small den. Alexei forgets the events of the night before and the smell of mint that's sharper than the smell of the sea. It should calm him. If he could only focus on what was in front of him instead of what had startled him so bad that he cannot tell what is real and what is not. Stuck in a position that makes him slowly rock, breaths sharp and terrified. Everything feels weak, he can't tell from if it's from the actual onslaught of the dream or the physical reaction to being drowned in a night terror. Before the red being can let out another sob of desperation, something meets him in the pitch black night. A buoy in a dark and vast sea that Lexi has terror navigating in a storm he's lived in once before. He's pulled to the edges of it, a whisper opening his eyes to the actual world around him. He's in his den, safe. He's not dripping wet but just damp from the pitter-patter of rain on his doorstep. Violet eyes do not stop leaking salty fluids that he doesn't want to confirm as actual tears in the face of someone he had just slept with. 'It was just a dream.' The words float, soft and comforting to a man who had his worst fear used against him by bad luck. Alexei starts to come to, feeling the warmth that reassures him he is not alone in open water.

'Yer safe, I'm here.' He wants to be embarrased or apologize profusely, but nothing of the sort comes from him. A shallow sob left his lips instead as he completely changes course as they kiss. He is safe. Alexei shifted so instead of his back being against Grigori, he is now chest to chest with him, taking their lips away from each other to readjust. His violet eyes stray and do not make eye-contact with the gray ones that are probably full of worry and anger in the same exact moment. No one had really ever seen or heard Alexei in the middle of a night terror. Not even the hound that had once come up from Hell just to meet him. Slowly, the shivering and quaking stops, and he shoves his head underneath Grigori's chin, into his neck to inhale the musky scent. It's the only thing that can overtake the smell of salt that never leaves Alexei's pelt. “Stay." He whispers, weakly, as if he's nothing but a scared child. Even though he's come to, there's still fear in his belly. Fear that he will mess whatever this is up by a single word, a few kicks to the stomach, and the fear that he might not have been good enough. That he is too broken to really fix. That Grigori needs someone to fix. So all he can do, is just relish in the fact that he is here now, and not think about what may happen in the future. Alexei pushed his nose further into the mint, and inhales deeply. For that's all he can do, is take in what is of the now.


“Speak and be heard."


                  

STOCK ➤Kati H. on Dawnthieves ART ➤Amphi


@Grigori

Grigori Hardin
Male 3 Outlander Commonwealth Drifter
Undecided

43

posts
260.00

renown



-

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posted 08-07-2021, 01:19 PM - Word count:
#12
It would seem his attempt at helping was sufficient. Alexei was still taut, perhaps even barely holding himself together, but at the very least he grounded himself in reality. Grigori recalled how the first time they met, a few months ago, he got the impression that the purple-eyed male might be carrying his own burdens. Was this nightmare a consequence of one of them? Was it even something for him to know or care about? They were so very complacent in their roles of physical comfort, even more so this time than the one before. Maybe he didn’t really care to hear it. Maybe he didn’t mind either way.

Stay. The word is a transgression, escaping the tight boundary of their prior interactions. Yet, it doesn’t concern him. The dissonance of the situation he found himself in finally started to sink in, and it occupied his mind entirely. The wolf who grunted and growled above him just earlier tonight, making him writhe in pleasure, was now barely keeping himself from sobbing into his chest. As if that alone wasn’t weird enough, his interrupted sleep produced a sense of sudden transition between the two, as if something in the middle has been cut out. So surreal, that for a brief moment, in a bout of dissociation, the blonde wolf felt like he was watching the whole thing transpire as an outside observer.

For better or worse, it was fleeting – the touch to his neck, the ebb and flow of Alexei’s warm, uneven breath pulled him back. Except now it was all that he could focus on. He felt warmth in the pit of his stomach, the hammering of his heart growing almost loud enough to drown out the sound of rain outside. He leaned in to nuzzle the nape of Alexei’s neck, inhaling to fill his lungs with the male’s salty scent – lust poorly disguised as a comforting gesture. He feels wrong, dirty even, for getting aroused in this situation, but he can’t help it. He can never help it with Alexei near. He thought that being close will get less overwhelming with time, once he knew what it was like. Could it be even worse instead? “..ye want to talk ‘bout it?” It took most of his willpower to offer a distraction, something else to focus on before he does anything inconsiderate. How ironic, that it was for this reason that he offered to do something right – to listen.


„*”

Alexei veteris
Male 2 Outlander Commonwealth Commoner
Undecided

28

posts
75.00

renown



rhinestone eyes

posted 08-16-2021, 12:10 PM - Word count:
#13



Outside, the ivy in front of his den drips, pattering down into the crunchy leaves. There’s still a heaviness to Alexei’s sigh. His chest quivers up and down, trying to contain his thoughts to his head. He feels like a phantom in his own skin. Drifting and there’s a surreal feeling of him not being within the confines of his flesh anymore. Like he’s surrendered himself to the surf. But Grigori’s beating heart from behind him; the rhythmic thud that he receives on his back, he’s got to be somewhere another living individual is. The aura of mint greeted him on his arrival back to reality. A smell that reassured him in the middle of the night. Still, plainly, a little astonished to have someone within his own den besides himself. Alexei doesn’t glance up at him through his lashes, but just peer at the solid part of his home. They padded in mud and rocks that kept the sanctuary from caving in on itself. A grasp at false security that might restrict the nightmares that occur whether someone is here. And of course, if they came, if someone was not here; they would still come when someone was here. Grigori leans into him, inhaling the back of his collar. He quivered at the touch, not used to being close to another. No matter the amount of moments he thought of the night they had together or the former beings that he slept with. He’d learn long ago to let the past remain in the past, even if it caught up with him in his dreams. At least he was still trying to run from it. Keep it at bay. There were only times when he could not run, but faintly tried in his slumber, kicking his limbs.

Alexei could have sat in silence forever. As long as he wasn’t alone for this night. There is growing embarrassment on his neck and cheek; an overwhelming heat coming across them. It doesn’t fade either when Grigori asks him if he wished to talk to him about it. The maroon man feels like he’s young again, in the spirit of Moira. Their soft murmurs after a dreadful dream - which he used to have less when he was a youthful boy. Grigori is not Moira, and he’s not the same boy he used to be. “It was a nightmare.” He kept his eyes on the den across the way from them. It felt like a void between him and the stretching wall. A long time ago, when I was just a teen, I got taken by the sea.” He talked, the fear didn’t have its grip over him when he was in the arms of another. “I remember little of it. I hit my head.” He felt a soreness over his left shoulder dragging to his forearm, where there had been a gash and a young teen - not older than him, had patched him up and helped him. “The two things I remember,” He feels his breath hitch when he thinks of them, “Waking up in a vast sea, being thrown by it.” He never thought an ocean could be so violent; from the shore, it looked so peaceful. “Choked. Restrained.” His paws flex, then squeeze together, trying to feel something other than the tenseness that runs through him at the mention of his old fear. “And then, waking up on the beach, feeling utterly confused and helpless.” And alone.

Endless pearls of lavender peer into the dark for a few seconds more before he lifted his head, looking back to Grigori; tanned and strong behind him. “Do you have fears?” Everyone does, right? Whether or not they admit to showing it. But the red man wonders what they are, and if they plague Grigori like they plague him. Though he looks as if he fears nothing. Like, there’s not a bear or wolf that scares him in the world. Maybe it’s a facade. Even if he didn’t admit to having one, it would give Alexei another false sense of security. And he can’t get enough of that, even if it breaks beneath him one day, crumbling. It’s not like that would be the first time his safety net had unwoven itself and sent him spiraling. He’d pick himself up another time.


“It was a nightmare.”


                  

STOCK ➤Kati H. on Dawnthieves ART ➤Amphi


@Grigori

Grigori Hardin
Male 3 Outlander Commonwealth Drifter
Undecided

43

posts
260.00

renown



-

-
posted 08-16-2021, 02:37 PM - Word count:
#14
For a while, his question was met with only silence. Grigori forced himself to close his eyes, before his racing heart could urge him to do anything more. Though he was still keenly aware of the touch of Alexei’s muzzle against his chest, it surprised him how quickly the patter of rain outside lulled him into a more restful state. Maybe he hasn’t tried at all to resist before? It’s possible. It’s not like he had any chance to learn the ins and outs of intimacy as a youth. Not like this, anyway. In the end, Alexei decided to answer, a soft voice cutting through the ambient silence. The blonde brute stirred, eyes opening as he endeavored to listen.

The details of their first encounter, months ago, were a little blurred in his memory by now. He did, however, recall that the purple-eyed wolf has asked about the sea back. So, that’s why.. he couldn’t imagine it, honestly. Having something so vast to fear – how might that feel? In his life, the ocean has only ever been an afterthought, a quirky fact. He’d seen it once or twice, long ago. That’s all there is to it. But he was aware that Rionnach had sea access, even if he hasn’t had the chance to venture there yet. At times, he could taste the salt on the breeze. Surely, Alexei could as well.

The other male asked a question in turn. “Naw.” Grigori answered without a second thought. If anything, there were times when he wished fear was something that affected him more, to temper his recklessness. He could indeed fight a bear without batting an eye. Sure enough, if he was fighting a losing battle and his life a was at risk, survival instinct would kick in and force him to retreat, more often than not. But that was just a condition, not a true, persistent fear. And yet, his answer wasn’t entirely true, was it?

“I had one.. back home.” Truly, he couldn’t begin to comprehend Alexei’s ability to draw out his most introspective thoughts. “Everyone had expectations for how yer life should be. I was afraid they’d find out the truth and wouldn’t understand. That I.. y’know.” He motioned with his head, pointing roughly at the two of them, entangled as they were. Even now, it was difficult to admit out loud that he likes men. “I even had a wife.. but that’s a long story.” Grigori sighed heavily. Looking back at it all, it was easy to see how the lie only grew heavier and more impossible to unravel as time went on. If he had just broken her heart at the beginning instead of playing along… But it doesn’t matter now. His home was far away now, all his ties cut and lost. He could take comfort in no longer having to fear the truth. “Have ye ever found yer way back? Or is that why yer travellin’?” Grigori directed the conversation back to Alexei’s story. He had mixed feelings about how they always talked so much about his problems. The words might have flowed without regard for his opinion, but.. it still wasn’t exactly pleasant to go through. Maybe that’s another reason why he used lust as an easy way out.

And yet, this time he didn’t. He was actually interested in hearing more.

„*”

Alexei veteris
Male 2 Outlander Commonwealth Commoner
Undecided

28

posts
75.00

renown



rhinestone eyes

posted 09-05-2021, 01:59 PM - Word count:
#15



In the warmth embrace of Grigori, Alexei expected to be calmed by it. He could feel the gentle thump of Grigori's heart behind him, settled somewhat by the rain that dripped outside. It would have been a perfect night to sleep, but instead of rain pattering, Alexei just heard the echoing of rushing waters, like what one would hear if they put their ear up to a conch shell and listened for a while. He wished that, even after all this time, each time of letting go, that the fear would finally let go his neck, a whelp stuck in the dark's shadow, and free him. But mostly every night, he remains imprisoned. Grigori's voice is sturdy, something that a lost boy in the body of a maturing man; looks for amidst a long journey. Searching for safety in a pastime, a comfort from his history. 'Naw.' His reverberating voice secures Alexei in solace. False hope or fact, Alexei doesn't care for right now. If Grigori had no fears, then at least one of them could be the steady rock among a vastly drifting, tugging sea. In retort to the answer, Alexei closes his eyes and inhales the scent of mint, imprinting it in his brain with the keyword, 'safety' tagged along with it. He's safe, here and now, even if it doesn't last, tonight, he can pretend it's a lifetime.

'I had one.. back home.' For what Alexei thought was over, it seems it'd just begun. The smaller man looks up through his eyelashes and offers an ear that tilts forward in wake of the man's rusted voice. He doesn't find fear because once, Grigori had a something that he was frightened by. He fears nothing now, so the safety net still hangs casually below Alexei, with no chances that it might slip now. Though Lex tilted his head as the words came from his mouth. Alexei had grown up in an environment where he was allowed to grow freely, without judgement from his parents or the few of the community that helped raise him. His parents had parted their ways from a place like Rionnach, just to give their children that freedom, and their life, that fresh breath of air, allowing them to grow into something bigger, happier. He couldn't imagine those around him that couldn't comprehend a lust that judged based on a simple fact of being; male, female, or somewhere in between. Maybe that was because his mother had not been fully one or the other, as well as his sibling; Moira, that'd he'd been closest to and was wise beyond their years. It sounded like they had been raised entirely different, and yet found themselves intertwined underneath another night. “Oh.” Alexei simply put, looking back towards the ivy that swayed in the den's front, letting minor blips of air through. It's hard to imagine, but Alexei tries and leans up, to press a kiss along the man's jawline, trying to ignore the quivering feel his body still has. 'I even had a wife.. but that's a long story.' When Grigori said that, it all came upon Alexei about how little they both knew each other. "I don't think I could fathom... a life... where I wasn't allowed to be who I was. Though, I am sorry that you had to.” He admits, but tries anyway, to provide some comfort to a man that he cannot quite put a finger on what their relationship is.

They sit in silence, for just a few moments, Alexei took a deep breath, trying to think of what he could do to lighten the mood - since he was the one who'd woken Grigori up in the first place, but nothing comes to him. He stays seated in the same place that he'd been before Grigori told him about the horror that he once had. He also offered the warmth of his pelt, that was now drying from the little sweat that had acuminated in his night terror. Grigori, again, was the one to break the silence in between them and not allow the rain to be the only thing in between their breaths. The question he asked, Alexei isn't quite sure himself. He was wandering for a place. Whether it was his home or not; he was never quite sure he'd ever find his birthplace again, so he was just traveling for a place to settle. “No, I've never found my way back.” He softly speaks, shifting in the other's embrace so he doesn't have to crane his neck to look back at him, “I don't think I ever will.” He confesses under the gloomy night, but in the soft undertow of his breathing, “But, where I'm from, if you got lost enough to never find your way back home, that meant you were on the greatest adventure one can find. My parents said to strive for it, and my mother, she told me to enjoy the journey wherever I land.” 'Though, it's been hard.' He can't seem to admit out loud, as if he might make his mother frown. But it's true. Not knowing anyone for the longest while, for miles, it took it's toll. Maybe the greatest adventure was not in the first place you found it. Or the second. But, hopefully the third.


Speak and be heard.”


                  

STOCK ➤Kati H. on Dawnthieves ART ➤Amphi


@Grigori